Luther Vandross: How Psychotherapy Could Have Positively Impacted His Mental Health
- Jerusalem Brown, LPC, NCC
- Aug 13, 2024
- 11 min read
Updated: Aug 27, 2024
Hey, heyyy y’all, let’s have a real conversation about one of the greatest voices to ever grace the stage—Luther Vandross. Now, Luther wasn’t just any singer; he was a vocal powerhouse, a man whose voice could wrap around your soul and make you feel every single word. Honestly, some of you exist because of his music. 😝 But behind that velvety voice and those heart-stopping ballads, Luther carried some heavy burdens, both physically and emotionally.
Please note that this content is purely speculative and is not intended to disrespect Luther Vandross or diminish his incredible legacy. The insights shared here are meant for educational purposes only to foster a deeper understanding of mental health and self-awareness. I aim to honor Luther's contributions to music and culture while exploring how therapy might have supported him, as it can support others today. So, don't come for me! - Bishop Butterscotch
Now, if you’re familiar with Luther, you probably know about his lifelong struggle with his weight. The man was always on one diet or another, shedding pounds only to gain them back again. Many of us have been there! Hell, some of us are still there. 😜 Amen? Anyways, while society loves to focus on the physical aspects of weight, we often overlook the emotional "weight" that comes with it—especially for someone in the spotlight like Luther. But that’s not the only burden he carried. There’s another layer to Luther’s story that we need to talk about: the very likely possibility that he was a gay man who never got to live out loud, who never got to fully embrace and express who he was.
Let’s unpack that (and more).
For context, watch the following video:
The Emotional Weight of Suppressing (Hiding) Your True Self
First, let’s talk about the impact of holding onto a secret so heavy it shapes your entire life. Imagine, for a moment, carrying the weight of being unable to be who you are in a world that demands you fit into its narrow definitions. For Luther, this wasn’t just about being a private person; it was about living in an era where being a Black gay man wasn’t just frowned upon—it was dangerous. The pressure to conform, hide, and present a certain image to the world was immense.
When we suppress who we are, it doesn’t just disappear. That energy, that emotion, gets stored somewhere. And for Luther (like many of us), that somewhere might have been in his body, manifesting as the physical weight he carried throughout his life. The body and mind are deeply connected, and when we’re holding onto emotional pain, it often shows up in our physical health. Luther’s struggles with his weight could have been a reflection of the emotional "weight" he carried from not being able to live as his true self.
The Impact of Fear and Judgment from Society & Self (Luther Vandross and Mental Health)
When you spend your life hiding who you are, it’s not just your spirit that suffers—it’s your entire being. The stress of constantly monitoring your behavior, of never fully relaxing into your true self, can lead to deep-seated anxiety, depression, and a sense of isolation. For Luther, the effects of this burden might have manifested in his struggles with weight, self-esteem, and even in how he related to others in his professional and personal life.
The act of hiding can create a vicious cycle of self-judgment and shame. When society tells you that who you are is unacceptable or wrong, it’s easy to internalize those messages and turn them against yourself. This self-judgment can lead to feelings of inadequacy, self-loathing, and a constant, gnawing sense of not being "good enough." For Luther, these feelings might have been compounded by his status as a public figure, where the pressure to present a perfect image was always looming.
"Your worth goes way beyond what the scale says." - Evangelist Sister Big-Bone
It’s not just the judgment from others that can cut deep—it’s the judgment we place on ourselves. Luther, like so many others who have lived with the secret of their sexuality, might have struggled with his own internalized homophobia. This is the painful reality of living in a society that tells you who you are is wrong or unnatural. And let me be clear: I don't think anyone "chooses" to be gay. It’s not a lifestyle one picks like a favorite flavor of ice cream. Being gay, especially in a world that often ostracizes and rejects you for it, is not something anyone would "choose" if it weren’t an integral part of who they are—something God or nature has already made them be. (I said what I said--argue witcha' Mama!)
The idea that sexual orientation is a "preference" is nuanced. Yes, our upbringing and experiences can influence our preferences, but our core identity—who we are at our deepest level—is not something we choose. It’s something we discover that becomes clear to us as we navigate life. And for those who are gay, that discovery is often met with a harsh reality: society has already placed you in an "unacceptable" box.
The Human Need to Be Wholeuther Van
At the core of every human being is a deep, intrinsic need to be seen, accepted, and loved for who we truly are. But society, with its rigid expectations and "acceptable" boxes, often squashes that need. We’re conditioned to fit in, to mold ourselves into shapes that are palatable to the world around us. For Luther, the pressure to fit into the mold of a straight, "acceptable" public figure likely meant denying himself the fullness of who he was.
This denial doesn’t just hurt the individual—it hurts everyone. Imagine how much more Luther might have given to the world if he had felt free to live fully, out loud, as his true self. Imagine the additional layers of depth and authenticity he could have brought to his music, his connections with others, and his own life experience. Instead, he carried a burden and, with it, a piece of his soul that never fully actualized.
How Luther's Self-Denial & Displeasure May Have Affected His Behavior Towards Others (Luther Vandross and Mental Health)
Luther Vandross was known for his meticulousness and high standards in his music and personal life. However, when someone struggles with deep-seated self-displeasure, it can often manifest in their behavior toward others, especially in high-pressure environments like touring.
The Impact of Internal Struggles on External Relationships
Luther’s ongoing battle with body image and possibly his hidden sexual identity likely created a complex emotional landscape for him. When we harbor dissatisfaction with ourselves, it can lead to heightened sensitivity, perfectionism, and, sometimes, an unconscious tendency to project those feelings onto others. For Luther, this could have translated into being particularly demanding or critical of those around him, including other artists on his tours.
From a mental health standpoint, when someone is dealing with unaddressed emotional pain, it often creates a need for control in other areas of their life. For Luther, controlling his tours and maintaining high-performance standards might have been a way to compensate for the areas of his life where he felt powerless—like his struggles with weight and the societal pressures to hide his true self.
Projection and Its Consequences
Projection is a defense mechanism in which we attribute our own unwanted feelings to others. If Luther was experiencing dissatisfaction with his appearance or frustration with being unable to live authentically, these feelings could have been projected onto the people around him, leading to strained relationships. Fellow artists and crew members might have experienced this as Luther being overly critical, distant, or hard to please.
It’s important to understand that this behavior isn’t about being malicious; it’s a coping mechanism, albeit an unhealthy one. Luther’s need for perfection in his professional life could have been a reflection of his internal struggle to feel worthy or accepted—both by himself and by the world.
How Therapy Could Have Helped Luther Unpack Emotional Baggage
Now, let’s imagine if Luther had access to psychotherapy that honored and embraced all of who he was—his struggles with weight, his identity, and his need for self-expression. Therapy could have been a game-changer for him. It could have provided a safe space where he could unpack those heavy emotions, explore his true self without judgment, and find healthier ways to cope with the pressures of fame and societal expectations.
In therapy, Luther could have worked through the shame and guilt that often accompanies struggles with weight, especially in a society that constantly tells us we’re not enough unless we look a certain way. He could have explored the deep-seated beliefs about his body and his self-worth, learning to love himself fully—just as he was. And let’s be real: when you’re as talented as Luther Vandross, your worth goes way beyond what the scale says!"
Additionally, if Luther had engaged in psychotherapy, he might have gained insight into how his internalized struggles were affecting his relationships with others. A therapist could have helped him recognize these patterns of behavior and provided him with healthier ways to cope with his self-displeasure, ultimately fostering more positive interactions with those around him. Therapy could have allowed Luther to process his feelings of inadequacy and learn to accept himself fully. By addressing these deep-seated issues, he might have been able to approach his relationships with other artists and colleagues from a place of compassion and understanding rather than from a place of control and criticism.
More importantly, therapy could have helped Luther embrace his identity as a gay man, potentially giving him the courage to live out loud and unapologetically. The act of suppressing who you are is exhausting; it drains your energy and diminishes your light. Imagine if Luther could share that part of himself with the world, to live in his truth openly. The freedom, the release of that emotional "weight," could have been transformative—not just for him, but for everyone who looked up to him.
Breaking Free: The Power of Living Authentically
I often tell my clients—and I’m telling you now—that who you are is necessary, wanted, and needed in this world. Your gifts, your voice, your presence—they matter. Imagine if Luther Vandross had felt ashamed of his singing. We would have been robbed of one of the greatest voices of our time (and some of us wouldn't even be here because our parents' "sexy time" might not have happened if the mood wasn't set)! So, let me ask you, what gifts are you hiding? What parts of yourself keep you in the shadows because you fear what others might think?
In the video I’ve linked below, you’ll see a powerful performance by Luther, where he pours his heart into every note. Watching it, you can’t help but wonder how much more he had to offer if he had felt free to live his truth in every aspect of his life. That’s the lesson here: When we live authentically, we unlock our full potential. We give the world the best of ourselves, and in doing so, we inspire others to do the same. So, to everyone reading this, especially folks in the LGBTQ+ community, I want you to know that you are enough just as you are. Your truth is beautiful, and it deserves to be seen and heard. Don’t let the world’s narrow views keep you from living your best life. Seek the support you need—whether it’s therapy, community, or simply embracing your own self-worth—and let your light shine.
Reflection and Healing: Steps You Can Take Today
Now that we’ve explored how therapy could have helped Luther Vandross live his truth let’s turn the focus to you. Here are some steps to help you reflect on your own journey and take actionable steps toward living authentically:
Reflect on Your Hidden Truths:
Take a moment to journal about any parts of yourself that you’ve been hiding or holding back. Are there aspects of your identity, desires, or dreams that you’ve kept in the shadows?
What fears or societal pressures are keeping you from living out loud?
If you need permission to live out loud and say f*ck societal pressures...Let this be THAT for you! Go for it. it's YOUR life.
Examine Your Relationship with Your Body:
Think about how you view your body and how it relates to your self-worth.
Have you been carrying physical or emotional "weight" that might be tied to deeper issues of self-acceptance or societal expectations?
How do you feel when you look in the mirror?
What messages about body image have you internalized?
If you are an able-bodied person, thank your body for its strength, mobility, and the freedom it gives you to navigate the world. If you are not an able-bodied person, thank your body for its resilience, adaptability, and the unique ways it allows you to experience life. Your body, in all its forms, deserves gratitude for supporting you every day.
Consider the Impact of Suppression and Projection:
Reflect on how suppressing your true self has affected your mental and emotional health. Has it led to feelings of isolation, anxiety, depression, or challenging relationships?
Write down how you think embracing your authentic self could improve your life.
Think about a time when you felt particularly critical or demanding of someone else—whether at work, in a relationship, or even in everyday interactions. Ask yourself: Was there something I was unhappy with in my own life that might have caused me to project those feelings onto them? How might my own unaddressed emotions or suppressed identity be influencing the way I treat others?
Seek Support and Community:
If Luther’s story resonates with you, consider reaching out for support. This could be through therapy, support groups, or trusted (and I repeat--TRUSTED) friends and family. Remember, you don’t have to carry the weight alone—there’s strength in seeking help.
Set Actionable Goals for Living Authentically:
Set specific, actionable goals to help you move toward living more authentically. This could be as simple as sharing your truth with a trusted friend, pursuing a passion you’ve neglected, or practicing daily affirmations to reinforce your self-worth. Remember, these are personal choices that are entirely up to you. I am not responsible for your decisions, but if you feel safe and ready, take the steps that feel right for you.
Celebrate Your Progress:
Finally, take time to acknowledge and celebrate any progress you make, no matter how small. Living your truth is a journey; every step forward is a victory.
Revisit and Reflect:
Periodically revisit your reflections and goals. As you grow and change, so will your understanding of yourself and what it means to live authentically. Use these reflections as a guide to help you stay true to your path.
Remember, just like Luther’s voice, your truth can move your emotional mountains. Don’t be afraid to let it be heard. 💛
Final Thoughts
Luther Vandross was a gift to the world, but he also had the right to be a gift to himself. Let’s honor his legacy by living out loud, embracing who we are, and refusing to carry any emotional "weight" that doesn’t serve us. It's easier said than done, but you can do it (with consistency). Remember, your voice, your presence, your truth—they’re all necessary for the greater good of society. So, what gifts are you hiding? Are you suppressing your emotions? Are you projecting these hidden emotions onto others? It’s time to bring them to the light. 💡
Know that you’re not alone in your struggles. Whether you’re dealing with issues around body image, identity, or the weight of hiding your true self, you deserve support that meets you where you are. At Mental Health Monarchs, we offer groups tailored to individual-specific issues like the ones Luther faced. These groups are safe spaces where you can connect with others who understand your journey, receive guidance from experienced mental health professionals, and start living out loud—unapologetically.
Join us at Mental Health Monarchs and take the first step toward healing and embracing who you truly are. Visit www.mentalhealthmonarchs.org/groups to find the right group for you and become part of a community that celebrates your authenticity. Your story matters, and we’re here to support you every step of the way!
Stay true, stay strong, and above all, stay unapologetically YOU. 💛
Mental Health Monarchs is an LGBTQ+ Allied Company!
Here are Applicable Resources for Black People and Black LGBTQ+:
Therapy for Black Girls:
A directory and community that connects Black women with culturally competent therapists. Website: therapyforblackgirls.com
The Loveland Foundation:
Provides financial assistance for therapy sessions to Black women and girls. Website: thelovelandfoundation.org
Black Men Heal:
Offers mental health resources and free therapy sessions for Black men. Website: blackmenheal.org
The Boris Lawrence Henson Foundation:
This organization, founded by Taraji P. Henson, provides mental health resources specifically for the Black community. Website: borislhensonfoundation.org
National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network (NQTTCN):
A network of mental health practitioners that offers resources and support for queer and trans people of color. Website: nqttcn.com
Sista Afya Community Mental Wellness:
A community organization that provides affordable mental health services and support groups for Black women. Website: sistaafya.com
The Audre Lorde Project:
A community organizing center for LGBTQ+ people of color, offering support and resources for mental health and advocacy. Website: alp.org
Ethel’s Club:
A social and wellness club that offers virtual events and resources focused on the mental health of people of color. Website: ethelsclub.com
Inclusive Therapists:
A directory that connects people with therapists who are committed to inclusivity and social justice. Website: inclusivetherapists.com
Healing in Our Homes:
A platform offering mental health resources and culturally relevant content for Black families. Website: healinginourhomes.com
***These resources can provide valuable support for individuals dealing with the intersection of identity, mental health, and societal pressures, just like the struggles Luther Vandross may have faced.
Lastly, what's your favorite Luther Vandross song!? Comment below!
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